State of the Union

           

        Looks like I'm a day ahead. I'm writing today not tomorrow so guess I didn’t make up this stuff yesterday, I made it up today. But Tuesday it will be yesterday since today is Monday, so wait until tomorrow to read and it will be yesterday.

        Just watched the State of the Union, still not sure what the State of the Union is but guess it’s ok. Looks like our government gift $1,200 is already down to $1,000. After a few more cuts and then paying income tax on it next year I  still have hopes of having enough to fill up the tank on the SUV—But I’m not counting on it.

            The President did mention that No Child Left Behind is a big success. TEST-TEST-TEST and more TEST. No child left behind is pushing the dropout rate and pushing teachers from the profession. Not sure if the bogus numbers the government shows really matter. The entire school thing is starting to look more and more like George Orwell’s “Animal Farm.”  The big guys at the top do everything for the rest, until it all fails. Seems like local control of schools is only a distant memory, and that’s too bad.

            One good thing did come from the speech. The president mentioned that our borders are now secure. We have a bunch of fence in place and lots of guards, should stop any invasion attempt from Mexico, now if we can just keep those angry Canadians away.

            In closing I was happy to hear the president promise all Americans free Diet Pepsi for life. Now that’s exciting. I did doze off toward the end but I thought I heard about the Pepsi.

 

Tags: State of the Union, humor, stuff, Neil waring, coachwaring, Pepsi, thoughts, no child left behind, just for fun

Can't Wait For Spring

      Can’t wait for Groundhog Day—its coming soon. I’m worried we could be in for a long winter and the old hog will let us know. The groundhog has been right eighty-three percent of the time. I made that up! It’s probably right sometimes, how often, about like the local weatherman, sometimes. My prediction is that it’s winter now it will be winter in February and March, I will get to play golf once in April and then it will be winter again. May should bring showers—of snow and more winter, I will plant my garden in June and replant twice. You read it here first; winter will seem to last forever this year. Doesn’t matter, I will be spending most of March and all of April in Hawaii, where it is eternally summer. Not really but it feels good to lie about it.  

      By the way, the wind chill yesterday reached a new record -273 degrees. Not sure how they figure that stuff or even who they are. But the temperature was -112 and the wind was blowing 64 miles per hour from nearly every direction. Evidently that adds up to a wind chill of -273, hum, seemed a bit cooler to me.

Tags: Cold, Groundhog Day, Spring, winter, humor, cold, windchill, record cold, humor, neil waring, coach waring, stuff, fun

Snow Today

Snowed again today. Took the dog for a walk, it was snowing so hard I thought I was walking up hill. Wasn’t until I was thirty feet high I realized it wasn’t a hill but I had walked right up a wall of snow blowing in from the east. I stopped to turn around and fell to the sidewalk below. Sprained my snowshoe and the dog was a little shook up otherwise we were OK. Went inside and had another drink. Think I will stay inside.

Tags: snow, humor, stuff, fun, lies, dog, snowshoe, coachwaring, neil waring, yesterday

Weight Loss

The United States Government passed a bill this morning outlawing weight loss advertising and the selling of weight loss programs. Starting Monday weight loss will only be allowed if you meet two of the following criteria. 1. Own and wear, even if only occasionally, a Speedo.  2. Your waist line is more inches than your height. 3. You refer to a turkey and a six pack as a snack. 4. All the numbers in your cell phone memory deliver pizza or Chinese. 5. The DMV needed a wide angle lens to take your drivers license photo. 6. And this is the last one, you went to a dude ranch to learn how to ride and they brought you a stagecoach instead of a horse, to pull not to ride.

Tags: Wyoming, lies, diet, food, DMV, tall tails, neil waring, coachwaring, stuff, fun

Global Warming

Global warming has been canceled in Wyoming. Wyoming has notified Al Gore.  Al came out to see what the problem was but was blinded by the snow.

Tags: Global warming, Al Gore, wyoming, snow, weather, snow blind, neil waring, coach waring, humor, stuff, fun

How Cold Was IT?

It was so cold in Wyoming today my thermometer froze.

Tags: weather, cold, wyoming, stuff, winter, thermometer, freezing, weather

Presidential Election

   If all the present candidates would just drop out of the race—we could appoint Charles Barkley President. Then when he had a bad day, week, month or term (i.e. President Bush) at least he could rebound.

  

   Why appoint and not elect? We have already had elections in: Iowa, New Hampshire, Michigan and the big Republican caucus in Wyoming—who needs more?

 

Tags: holidays, humor, president, sports, stuff, wyoming, cooking, hunting, golf, sports, government, united states, money, music, TV, cars, schools, home and garden