The United States Government passed a bill this morning outlawing weight loss advertising and the selling of weight loss programs. Starting Monday weight loss will only be allowed if you meet two of the following criteria. 1. Own and wear, even if only occasionally, a Speedo. 2. Your waist line is more inches than your height. 3. You refer to a turkey and a six pack as a snack. 4. All the numbers in your cell phone memory deliver pizza or Chinese. 5. The DMV needed a wide angle lens to take your drivers license photo. 6. And this is the last one, you went to a dude ranch to learn how to ride and they brought you a stagecoach instead of a horse, to pull not to ride.