Wednesday, December 24, 2008
God bless and enjoy the day like none other.
Monday, December 22, 2008
As for me, I can’t wait, some of our kids and grandkids will be here and we will open presents and enjoy the day. And for at least one day I will not worry, not at all, about the economy.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
I will spend the next few days stretching and jogging getting ready to shop like crazy on the 23ed—hope I’m up for it.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Friday morning, a morning like all other Friday mornings, except colder, as I walked to school something happened that I had never seen before. And that is - as in never in all my considerable years. We were walking and talking, enjoying the huge snowflakes falling on a windless morning. For some reason I turned and looked behind me and the words we had spoken were hanging in the air, frozen. I had been able to see my breath since we left the house but I had no idea that my words were freezing. They only lasted a few seconds before falling to the ground and shattering into snow.
Lucky for me no one else saw the frozen words.
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
People have speculated for two-hundred years over the derivation of the term Indian Summer. Many guesses as to where it came from have been tried but here is the correct and proper answer—or maybe I made it up yesterday.
Indian summer which must follow a hard frost is named after the time of year when the indigenous peoples of the plains harvested crops. Crops the natives planted east of the Missouri River and the harvest of wild plumbs and roots west of the big river. It was also the time for hunting, curing and storing of the meat for the winter sure to come.
There you have it from the one who knows—or made it up—Indian Summer!
Sunday, October 12, 2008
The economy is making a real mess of the candidate’s promises for less taxes and help with everything from health insurance to house payments.
If you have not made up your mind yet write in the old coach, if I win I’ll do something, not sure what. But here is my best try.
• I will put a chicken in every pot—opps, think FDR already promised that.
• Read my lips, no new taxes, opps, think Bush # 1 said that.
• Snow in the months of December, January and February only.
• A law against cell phones in the grocery store—“do we need butter, honey? How’s the milk, and did you say we were out of crackers?”
• Gas prices to remain at $1.25 per gallon
Large government grants will go to
• Inventors working on a trash can that will separate and recycle after I throw everything in.
• Someone that invents a car that runs on air
• A peace plan that works
• And finally to a member of the U.S. House or Senate that is elected to be a statesman not just a politician.
• Oh and a large grant to me so I can get a place on the beach in Hawaii during Wyoming’s six or eight months of winter.
Can’t wait for the election to be over so my taxes will go down, my business will be saved, my health insurance will be paid for, the air will be cleaner, we will be respected around the globe and all will be good in the world—again.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
I’m watching the Vice Presidential Debate as I write this blog so if I end in the middle of a sentence I must have had a heart attach.
“What could cause a wise old guy like you to have a heart attach,” you ask.
If one or the other says any of the following—
- Anything about balancing the Budget
- Something that would bail me out
- Lower gasoline prices
- That someone has figured out something about Iraq and Afghanistan.
- I’m starting to think about turning to the Baseball Game—don’t count that one.
- Start paying down the deficit***or is that too much like number one?
- Lucky for me I caught myself, on number six above, I typed defecate instead deficit-wow- talk about a Freudian slip. Good thing I caught it before publishing, might have messed up my chance to win a blogging Pulitzer.
- The guy I’m running with is a dud but elect me as VP and the country will be on the right track
- We caught Osama ben Laden.
- I will, we will, when elected—Bla, Bla, Bla *-* Bla, Bla –About ready to turn this stuff off.
- Same old promises I will vote for the one that is telling the truth—now who is that?
Remember, regardless of how you feel, get out and vote, vote early and vote often.
One final note, be sure to …………………………
Sunday, September 28, 2008
Good News—I think!
Read in today's newspaper that age 65 is today’s 55. Is that good? I am in between and was almost looking forward to retirement but maybe I should wait until I’m 75 because that would be 65.
I really am pretty healthy – but then again if I’m 60 now, in today’s world that is 50—young enough, should be healthy.
Except for a really messed up big toe (not doctors lingo), bad hip, sore shoulders, bum elbow, high triglycerides, (no idea how to spell that word and my computer is so old the spell checker has never heard of it before), high blood pressure, high cholesterol, low income (starting to get high so I tossed that one in), I’m felling pretty healthy.
I over eat a little and under exercise, my hair fell out and I lapped over my belt buckle a bit. Can’t remember things like I used too, and run into more stuff and drop more things than I did a few years ago. I can’t get to sleep and when I do I wake up with a sore neck. Allergy season ends when cold season starts, leaving me sneezing every day of the year except my birthday when I stumble around in shock and marvel at the fact that I am really feeling ten years younger than my birthday.
Can’t seem to remember what time of the year white shoes are in and black shoes are out. Need to rest more than I work and think every candidate for office is a young whippersnapper.
Other than those few maladies I feel ten years younger than I did before I read today’s newspaper.
Can’t wait for Monday morning—back to work almost a youngster.
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Tough time of the year for me, getting cold, fall heading into winter, nope. Lots of people in Wyoming call this time of year hunting season, but not me, it’s the end of golf and the beginning of football. There is some difference—I play golf and watch football. I like to play golf at this time of year. Not many people on the course and it’s really not that hard to find golf balls in the snow, they almost always leave a trail. This year I am going to limit myself to watching only five or six football games a week. That may sound like a lot to many people but about half of what I usually do. I even have a few suggestions for new rules to make football more exciting.
- Use two footballs instead of one.
- Allow holding—anywhere, anytime
- Ten points for a drop kick field goal of over twenty-five yards
- Let the soda and hot dog venders on the sidelines and into the huddle during time outs.
- Have all teams wear white uniforms
- Fine any network using a sideline reporter one million dollars—I really hate sideline reporters.
- All music in the stadium must be from the band—no more obnoxious music blaring from huge million dollar boom boxes.
- All football games must be played outside
- Instant replays will be sent to the nearest local sports bar with everyone in the bar getting three votes
- Night games will be played without lights—players will be allowed flashlights and spectators are each allowed two glow sticks
Thursday, September 18, 2008
It’s starting to look like
winter fall in Wyoming. The aspen are turning and frost has already reared its ugly head. A few days ago it frosted so hard I couldn’t walk to work, I skied instead. Slick as ice all the way only fell down a half dozen time. My tomatoes froze—I picked them and hung them upside down in the garage. They should ripen okay I’m told. I did notice a sticker on one that said-mix with six ounces of cold tap water for a delicious tomato-ee, juice like drink. Maybe they froze too hard!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
The Democratic convention is over and now its time for the Republicans. It all seems a bit melodramatic now with the winning candidate’s chosen before the conventions. I still remember when they were really exciting and the candidate’s spoke about real issues with real substance and people believed them. But then it was during the Lincoln Presidency and not many of us remember that day and age.
Oh well, this is the new age, the age of instant everything. The candidates seem to try to tell us whatever it is that will get them elected. Instant gratification for the voter, but once elected it seems to be the same old thing again.
Will we ever see real change again, or a real statesman in the office of President, someone that really cares about us? No probably not as I decided not to run again as I have decided not to run in each election since Eisenhower.
When I was a kid I would eagerly mark off each day for four years waiting for the next convention, I loved to hear those speeches—Not really I mostly played baseball, listened to KOMA and acted like all other kids.
I will watch this week just like I watched last week. Maybe I will make up my mind before November.
Now if I need a write in candidate, how is it that you spell Dukakis?
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Well, yesterday was Election Day and it was one of those, who cares, elections. A few months away from the real thing election when we elect a new President and House, that is always fun.
Wyoming is small enough that we do not get a lot of hotly contested primary elections. Only one really good race—the Republican race for the U.S.House. It was great fun watching it unfold sitting in my easy chair in front of the big screen.
All this leads me to one thing—why so many politicians and so few statesmen?
One great statesmen could make a real difference, but are there any left?
Saturday, July 26, 2008
-How to Save Money-
So you want to save a few bucks? First a few ramblings then the good stuff you really want to know.
The price of gas is going down— a station nearby has lowered prices twice in the past few days. All stations in our little city of thirty thousand are now under four dollars a gallon—whoop-e.
Two things stand out in my mind about gas prices, first when I had to raise the prices on the sign at the Texaco station where I worked in high school to thirty cents a gallon. Boss wondered if anyone would ever stop again. Second, when my dad said, “If gas goes over a dollar a gallon the highways will be empty, no one will go anywhere.”
Today we seem almost happy to have gas under four dollars. Everything is going up, except salaries it seems. The minimum wage did go, not sure what that means?
Now the good stuff—saving money, my six priceless money saving steps.
- At the pumps—fill your tank only half full. That makes sense and will cost only half as much. And how do you really look at your gas gage are you a half full kind of person or half empty. Walking is good!
- At the grocery store—carry one of the little baskets, no push cart for you and don’t go so often. Need more food, garden, what a concept exercise and food. Go on a diet and save money. All-ready to skinny, buy cheap stuff and exercise less.
- Home mortgage—refinance with a lower interest rate. If you can’t do that don’t make any payments for a while and try to get into the governments new bail out program. If that doesn’t work buy a used RV for almost nothing and park in front of your neighbor’s house. Same neighborhood, nice.
- Medical insurance—if you have it though the old job, great. If you are buying it on your own beware, there are a lot of scams out to get you. Pay by the month and don’t get insurance that wants all the money up front in unmarked bills. Don’t limp into an insurance office and expect a good rate. When you show up to an insurance office, suck in the gut, where larger than needed clothes, put your glasses in your pocket and talk endlessly about how much you like exercise and vegetables. It also helps to mention that mom and dad are both over one hundred and vacationing on a nude beach in Mexico, for a month.
- Needing a new car—by large and save. If it gets less than twenty miles per gallon it will be on sale. Then carefully follow directions in number one above.
- Investing or starting your own business—don’t. This is the wrong time and wrong place. Spend all the money you have take a vacation. No wait a minute that’s what I do, not always smart.
**** Want to know more about starting your own business and how bad you will fail? See my story at: http://www.helium.com/items/831316-satire-work?search_result=true
Friday, June 27, 2008
Summer* is the season of warmth
Well—over seventy at least
And Mosquitoes (I hate those little creeps)
Fall* is the season of falling leaves
If we had trees
And huntin’ season (Guns, Pick-up Trucks and Campers—Yee-Ha)
Winter* is cheerful with the first snow fall
And then it keeps snowing
And snowing and snowing (Shoveling snow makes me want to move to Arizona and join the other
old really old people in the sun)
Spring* is welcomed with open arms
It usually comes on a Tuesday in the middle of June
And is followed by summer the next day (This year we only had a few feet of snow in April and May)
· Red- The color of summer and the spot on your arm after smashing another Mosquito.
· Brown- The color of fall and the spots on your arm as the scabs heal.
· Yellow- Winter and the color of snow that Wyoming people do not eat.
* Green- The color of spring and the money you will shell out for flowers that will freeze in your yard.
© NA Waring 2008
-It’s Mosquito season—again-
It lasted only a few days, the same days we had relatives visiting from all over the U.S heartland here to enjoy fine Wyoming weather. Seems like Mosquito season always comes at the worst of times, as if there is a good season for Mosquito’s.
Mosquitoes carried off two children, a dog, although not a large one and three steaks from the grill. Seems like nothing can control them, we sprayed, lit the famous Mosquito candles and burned the Kerosene Tiki torches. Not sure, but I do not believe Tiki torches are native Wyoming insect fighting apparatus.
We played golf and were assaulted by Mosquito’s the size of sparrows—we sprayed down with OFF then couldn’t smell, see or hold on to a club. Reminded me to close my eyes before spraying my face with repellant. A few years ago I tried the famous ‘Skin So Soft’ to repel what needed repelled, didn’t work but my skin was softer and the Mosquito’s didn’t have to work so hard to hand me West Nile. I never really believed we had the West Nile virus here in Wyoming, I think instead it might be the North Platte virus or the Laramie river virus—West Nile is too far away, Egypt or somewhere in Africa. Wait a minute; I believe Egypt is in Africa. Doesn’t matter, it’s still a government conspiracy they turn the mosquitoes lose on us so we forget about inflation, high gas prices and the fact that Coca Cola has never been the same since they tried the experiment.Now the city is Arial spraying—good luck. I believe that the little bugs enjoy Malathion seems like every spraying they get bigger. If Malathion is watered down too much, usually with diesel fuel in a fogger the little buggers build up a tolerance to it and only get bigger, tougher and better looking.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
Schools out in most of America by now, summer is here, for sure, this time. Here in Laramie Wyoming we had a high of 45 today with about five hours of rain, not very summer like. So cold here last night my strawberries froze, I picked a few stuck a toothpick in them and gave them away as popsicles. When I got up this morning I couldn’t decide if I wanted to scoop the driveway or mow the lawn. Never decided so I took a nap.
I am waiting for a call from Barrack Obama and fully expect to be asked to be his VP. Probably will break his heart when I turn him down so he will never tell anyone he asked. Too bad I could be famous, oh I forgot, I already am famous. Someone asked me for my autograph just yesterday so fame is part of who I am. After I signed they kept a copy and gave me a copy and I owe them $61.22 for a tank of gas.
Been watching some of the NBA and NHL play-offs but not sure if my heart can take the excitement, turned to the golf channel and took a nap.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
It’s spring in Wyoming
The breeze blew my hat away
It blew far to the east
Likely in Nebraska now
It was my best stocking hat
I have presented the above lovely free verse poem in a beautiful orange patina to represent spring. Orange is truly the color of spring the time of year when grass turns green and the lovely green of new leaves opening. And orange—well it’s the color of some stuff like orange juice and footballs and I really like both.
First time I ever used the word patina-good word!
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Well its May, guess I will make it for another summer of: mowing, watering, weeding, raking, gardening, traveling, barbequing, fishing, playing golf and paying through the nose for a gallon of gas. Wow now I’m tired.
I get a good laugh every day as I watch and listen to the presidential candidates try to win my vote—now they are talking about suspending the gasoline tax for the summer, oh boy, now I can buy gas for only three-fifty a gallon.
We will be taking some trips this summer, just shorter and slower. America may see a lot of this with people vacationing closer to home or just staying home: mowing, watering, weeding, raking, gardening, traveling, barbequing, fishing, playing golf and well you get the picture.
Spring is here the snow is gone in our yard, been gone for over 24 hours! For a while there I thought the state legislature might have moved spring back a month or so due to global warming. Soon I will be writing about global warming and my attempt, as an old guy, to become greener or is it more green-well whichever. Time to go dig that diet Pepsi can out of the trash and put it in the recycling bag, or as I call it one of our million or so
If you would like to be added to the mailing list to read my-
Waring’s Weekly Wonderings—just send me an E-mail firstname.lastname@example.org and I will add you to my growing list—Next week’s column, ‘Gardening through the snow'.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Spring is here—finally. I had enough snow and ice and am ready for some good old fashioned wind, rain and hail, who doesn’t love spring in Wyoming.
Watch any TV lately? Basketball on every channel—if you like basketball this is the time of year to get by the TV and enjoy.
Watched the grand kids hunt Easter eggs Sunday. I can still remember when I was running through the park in the city-wide hunt for the elusive eggs. Seems like it was not fifty years ago—but it was.
Hey on a lighter note. I have been reading all the stuff about who the political candidates are related to. They talk about tenth cousins once removed. I have no idea what that even means. I had a great uncle that said he, “never wanted to see the family tree because he was afraid he would find someone hung as a horse thief.” I would love it if I could find a horse thief as my tenth cousin or even a great-great somebody who was hung as a horse thief—COOL.
Monday, March 3, 2008
Hurray for me, I made it through leap day, that good old extra day that comes but once every four years. Every year we elect a president we get an extra day. Do we really need an extra day of campaigning?
Here is what needs to be done. Add a bunch of extra days to the other three years and then every fourth year—
the presidential lies year. Ur-a, I meant campaigning year. Anyway let’s make that year just two days long, February 29th and the first Tuesday after a Monday in November (Election Day). Only it won’t be the first Tuesday after a Monday in November anymore- we’ll just call it the next day after the leap day every fourth year.
This way all campaigning will take place on leap day with 24 hours of TV campaign commercials and every page of the newspaper campaign adds. I will spend the day on the ski slope and then watch some TVO when I get home.
What a great plan!
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Monday, February 25, 2008
How about that presidential debate last night?
Very spirited, loved every minute of it.
Makes you proud to be an American, doesn’t it?
Now we know who to vote for come November.
Naw, you’re right I didn’t watch it either.
Saturday, February 23, 2008
Ode To Winter
It is winter
Tomorrow it will
The next day
It will be summer
The day after
I like winter
(From my, soon to be published, new book - Most Forgetable Poems, ever)
© 2008 N A Waring
Thursday, February 7, 2008
Wednesday, February 6, 2008
Snowed yesterday and the wind blew today
Forecast for the rest of the week, snow and wind
60% chance of snow and 100% chance of wind
Shoveled snow yesterday and today
Will shovel snow tomorrow and possible forever
On – No, someone call Bill Murray
It’s Groundhog Day—AGAIN AGAIN AGAIN
Super Tuesday has passed; will we ever be the same again? Still cannot make up my mind who to vote for. Most candidate promises are things that would need to be done by congress not the president so they all look pretty empty to me. Congress is still messing with the economic stimulus package—think we’ll get anything?
So here is what I am waiting for. Someone who will jump start the economy, lower taxes, balance the budget, pay off the national debt, find an acceptable workable solution in Iraq, take care of health care, raise the standard of living for all Americans and lastly a chicken in every pot and a car in every garage.
Guess I will be voting for myself, same as last time. Come to think of it, same as I have voted since Nixon.
Now if I could just get appointed secretary of something or ambassador to somewhere I would be one happy voter.
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
More snow, but what the heck, it is Wyoming. Looks like our governor will try to get a bill passed this term to outlaw shoveling. Because we are a small state the legislative session is short, this year eleven hours. Sure hope the governor can unite the two parties on this one. Last year they were able to unite two parties, unfortunately it was the Saint Patrick’s Day and Valentines Day parties.
A big melt coming this week end, supposed to get up to 37 degrees, shiver me timbers, break out the shorts and sandals.
Monday, February 4, 2008
When’s the super bowl, I know it's coming up soon. Think I will act like a sportswriter and take a stab at the final score. I am going with New York 17—New England 14. Not sure what channel it will be on, but I will be watching.
I heard today that New England will be forced to change their name before next season, seems they have a geographical advantage over teams with only one city to support them. Believe the Arizona cardinals are in some trouble also. Forgot about the Colorado Rockies but think they might be a hockey team or a Ultimate Frisbee team.
My favorite team, the Chiefs, once again failed to make the play-offs, looks like they need some help before next season. Most teams change players and coaches when things do not go well. If I were in charge I might try something else, like change the team colors, the cheerleader uniforms and the mustard for the stadium dogs. Maybe go all out and change from Coke in the stadium to Pepsi. These changes might be just what are needed to turn the franchise around.
Enough of that—how about that Presidential race, looks like it will be exciting Tuesday—Super Tuesday, think they are playing the big game that same day. You heard it here first the winners of the Super Tuesday primaries will be Robin of Locksley and and John Dunbar. All-right you caught me. Two Kevin Costner characters.
This just in—Bob Knight retired, who’s next Joe Gibbs?
Monday, January 28, 2008
Looks like I'm a day ahead. I'm writing today not tomorrow so guess I didn’t make up this stuff yesterday, I made it up today. But Tuesday it will be yesterday since today is Monday, so wait until tomorrow to read and it will be yesterday.
Just watched the State of the Union, still not sure what the State of the Union is but guess it’s ok. Looks like our government gift $1,200 is already down to $1,000. After a few more cuts and then paying income tax on it next year I still have hopes of having enough to fill up the tank on the SUV—But I’m not counting on it.
The President did mention that No Child Left Behind is a big success. TEST-TEST-TEST and more TEST. No child left behind is pushing the dropout rate and pushing teachers from the profession. Not sure if the bogus numbers the government shows really matter. The entire school thing is starting to look more and more like George Orwell’s “Animal Farm.” The big guys at the top do everything for the rest, until it all fails. Seems like local control of schools is only a distant memory, and that’s too bad.
One good thing did come from the speech. The president mentioned that our borders are now secure. We have a bunch of fence in place and lots of guards, should stop any invasion attempt from Mexico, now if we can just keep those angry Canadians away.
In closing I was happy to hear the president promise all Americans free Diet Pepsi for life. Now that’s exciting. I did doze off toward the end but I thought I heard about the Pepsi.
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Can’t wait for Groundhog Day—its coming soon. I’m worried we could be in for a long winter and the old hog will let us know. The groundhog has been right eighty-three percent of the time. I made that up! It’s probably right sometimes, how often, about like the local weatherman, sometimes. My prediction is that it’s winter now it will be winter in February and March, I will get to play golf once in April and then it will be winter again. May should bring showers—of snow and more winter, I will plant my garden in June and replant twice. You read it here first; winter will seem to last forever this year. Doesn’t matter, I will be spending most of March and all of April in Hawaii, where it is eternally summer. Not really but it feels good to lie about it.
By the way, the wind chill yesterday reached a new record -273 degrees. Not sure how they figure that stuff or even who they are. But the temperature was -112 and the wind was blowing 64 miles per hour from nearly every direction. Evidently that adds up to a wind chill of -273, hum, seemed a bit cooler to me.
Monday, January 21, 2008
Snowed again today. Took the dog for a walk, it was snowing so hard I thought I was walking up hill. Wasn’t until I was thirty feet high I realized it wasn’t a hill but I had walked right up a wall of snow blowing in from the east. I stopped to turn around and fell to the sidewalk below. Sprained my snowshoe and the dog was a little shook up otherwise we were OK. Went inside and had another drink. Think I will stay inside.
Saturday, January 19, 2008
The United States Government passed a bill this morning outlawing weight loss advertising and the selling of weight loss programs. Starting Monday weight loss will only be allowed if you meet two of the following criteria. 1. Own and wear, even if only occasionally, a Speedo. 2. Your waist line is more inches than your height. 3. You refer to a turkey and a six pack as a snack. 4. All the numbers in your cell phone memory deliver pizza or Chinese. 5. The DMV needed a wide angle lens to take your drivers license photo. 6. And this is the last one, you went to a dude ranch to learn how to ride and they brought you a stagecoach instead of a horse, to pull not to ride.
Friday, January 18, 2008
Global warming has been canceled in Wyoming. Wyoming has notified Al Gore. Al came out to see what the problem was but was blinded by the snow.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
If all the present candidates would just drop out of the race—we could appoint Charles Barkley President. Then when he had a bad day, week, month or term (i.e. President Bush) at least he could rebound.
Why appoint and not elect? We have already had elections in: Iowa, New Hampshire, Michigan and the big Republican caucus in Wyoming—who needs more?